Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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