So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
