he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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