i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
