i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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