waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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