hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
