I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
