So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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