Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
