dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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