Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
