loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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