I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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