Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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