You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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