Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
