don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
