I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Randomize
