It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
