Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
