Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
