Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
