did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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