It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
