Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Send help, water and tortillas.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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