is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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