Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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