Ambien. No doubt about it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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