u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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