The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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