i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
