if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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