2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
