Im at strip club and am horny
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
