Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
