i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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