I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
