I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
