He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
