i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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