Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
