Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
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