Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
