Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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