we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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