I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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