one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
