i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
