He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
